No, life as a kid wasn't all mermaids, Jewish Cha Cha Goddesses and Miami vacations. There was definitely a dark side -- wrapped in NUN'S HABITS. It seems as though the Universe decided that it should plant a positive image of a beautiful, gentle mermaid in my mind when I was still a little boy, knowing in advance that I'd wind up in CATHOLIC SCHOOL . You know all those unbelievable things we all hear about peoples' experiences with scary, sadistic nuns? Well, I'm here to tell you that a LOT of them are true. Take it from me -- I lived through it.
Yes, I met all of TWO nuns in that whole order that were reasonably normal, (I believe they were also a 'plant' by the Universe) and one actually came to my rescue in one particularly hair-raising episode. But the rest of those ladies were hell on wheels -- and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest.
I'll bet you've never heard of something called a "Hell Chair". You haven't lived if you haven't had the thrill. Imagine telling first grade kids that a small chair spray enameled fire engine red, is a "corporal punishment" chair.
"If any of you misbehave in my classroom, after your first and last warning, you'll sit in the Hell Chair. Every minute you sit there, the chair will get hotter and hotter -- just like the searing flames of hell."
Nice. I don't ever remember hearing about anyone ever actually sitting in the chair, because the looming threat of such a scorching reprimand was just too ghastly a possibility to dare to defy the iron-clad rules. Wouldn't that be considered a form of emotional child abuse now-a-days? What was particularly frustrating, was that you couldn't go home and tell your parents what the nuns did because the 'folks' immediately assumed that YOU must have done something to rouse their ire. Remember: nuns could do no wrong -- so I guess slapping, pinching and screaming at and humiliating us was all just in a day's work for a busy nun. They were highly revered back in those days -- considered something just short of a saint.
Oh, really? So since when do two 'saints' make out in a basement storage room of a school building. . .?
More about all that later. . .
PS: I was looking around on the internet for pictures of nuns, and interestingly, most of what I could find was porn images of nuns doing all sorts of lurid things. I suppose, because I was raised Catholic and don't really have anything against the religious practice itself, (after all, it's such a visually glamorous religion) the images actually made me uncomfortable. And for someone like me with my rather, shall we say, 'permissive' back round, that's actually almost funny. But believe it or not, in spite of my copious complaints about the "sisterhood", I really didn't like seeing these people depicted in such a twisted light. And what's so interesting to me, is how so many people apparently fantasize about them in these sleazy settings. . . any thoughts?
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All comments are appreciated and usually enjoyed..lol...thx, uncle patrick